You guys have no idea how bad I’ve been postponing to write this painful post. But, if something I’ve learned over time and after going through a hard situation, is that there’s other people going through the same and you never know how your situation can help someone else.
Today, I want to share with you what happened to Toto and how we’ve been dealing with grief. I know it may sound a little dramatic to some people, but honestly, if you’ve never had a dog, it’s not possible to understand how painful it is when they are no longer with you. It’s like losing a family member.
On March 30th our little baby Toto passed away due to a heart failure. Our hearts are still broken and right now I doubt I’ll ever recover. It feels like I will never be the same again. It’s like a part of me died with my dog.
He was my best friend for almost 13 years. He was next to me during the hardest times of my life and it breaks my heart that he won’t be during the happiest times to come. He hated winter so much and LOVED summer and I still can’t believe he won’t be here to enjoy the warmer months in Chicago. This is the first time I have to deal so close with death and it really sucks. I had no idea it was going to affect me this bad.
I wish I could give you advice on how to get over losing your pet, but at this point I can’t. I cry every day and I miss him every minute. Dogs and I think pets in general, have this unique ability to love you no matter what. They always forget the bad and they’re always happy to see you. They are so grateful and selfless. Their pure and innocent love is an example of how we should love others too.
I think that’s why we miss them so much after they’re gone. It’s really hard to find that kind of love.
I can’t stop thinking of his last day with us. We thought he ate some food we spilled the night before, and thought his tummy was hurting, so we didn’t even think of taking him to the vet until 9 pm when he fainted and that’s when we got really scared. Even before leaving the apartment, I knew he was going to die. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
There was something in his eyes and the way he looked at me. We took him to the ER, but it was too late. His lungs were filled with fluids and they couldn’t stabilize him. We received that nasty call at 2 in the morning saying that he had stopped breathing.
Because I’m a super optimistic person, I tried to comfort myself with the good side of all of this. Like, now I won’t have allergies, or no one wakes me up in the morning. No one asks me for food while I’m eating and I don’t have to worry about who will stay with him if we travel. Little did I know that all of these things are the ones I miss the most… along with the good things of course. There’s just no good side on losing your best friend and that’s just how it is.
So, little Toto, wherever you are, I hope we will be reunited one day. I loved you so much and I’m so sorry for not knowing what was going on. Thank you so much for loving me like you did, with all the bad and good. Thank you for being there. You changed my life and made me a much better human. Thank you for all the laughs and for all your craziness.
I miss you every day and I hope one day I learn how to live without you buddy.
As a Christian, there’s always the hope and the idea of heaven, and I’m truly counting that I’ll meet my little baby in heaven one day. Thank you to all of our friends and you guys for your love and messages of support. You have no idea how much your words have helped us move forward.
I’m doing my best, so please bare with me. If you’ve been through something similar and have any kind of advice on how to deal with this, please share in the comments below.
Sending you guys so much love back! Thank you for stopping by my blog!